I would like to discuss a very common issue that I get to hear from almost all my clients. And of course, share some tips to deal with it effectively.

How to manage my child’s screen time?

Screen time includes using a mobile phone, playing video games, watching TV, or squandering time on the laptop. Excess screen time is such a big problem today. Clients have told me that their children’s screen time is very high these days it ranges from 4 hours to even 10 hours a day. Yes, it can become that bad.

Parents complain that their children are completely lost. They don’t study. They don’t eat. They don’t interact with family members. The only friends they have are online. They don’t go out to play and that they are lost in their virtual world. They don’t sleep on time. And it’s all because the child’s life revolves around mobile phone, video games, laptops, and TV.

Let’s first begin with things that you shouldn’t do.

Things that don’t work and can make the problem even worse.

Firstly, requesting.

Sometimes you think that all they need is a little compassion. They will eventually listen to you and cooperate, if you calmly ask them to return the phone, and ask them not to use it excessively because it is bad for them. Unfortunately, they won’t, because requesting can hardly solve this problem

Secondly, testing their willpower.

Some of my clients tell me, “Why should I have to prevent my child from using the phone?” I want my children to take their own decision and come to a stop. I want them to be accountable. Why do I have to explain everything each time? Well, this won’t work. A child practically won’t be able to stop using the computer or other screen because it is so more rewarding to the brain than their parents. It would be wiser not to subject them to this test.

Thirdly, nagging or shouting.

This is the negative version of requesting where you just increase the intensity of asking.

These are some of the things that won’t work. So, what will?

Here are some suggestions:

Firstly, prevention.

Don’t even let this habit take root. If your child is young (below 12), it’s relatively easier to establish authority and say no to something. Parents often allow children phones, iPads, and laptops, to just keep the trouble away from them with the thoughts that if children are busy with those gadgets, at least they won’t create a mess, at least they won’t fight, and at least we will have some peace of mind.

Keeping your children away from gadgets gets harder and harder as they grow up and as their addiction becomes deeper. It becomes extremely difficult when they are adolescents (above 12). Habits would have been formed by then and they are big enough to start answering back or challenging your authority.

So, to all the parents whose children are young, let me tell you- “become careful and strict right now”.

Secondly, clear rule for screen time.

With the assumption that you as a parent is also following the family rules, having a clear rule for how much screen time is accepted in the house is very crucial. One to two hours or more depending on what the child is actually doing at that time. Come up with the number which can be allowed. And that number must be communicated to the child very clearly and strongly. Make it a rule and don’t let them break it.

Thirdly, monitoring.

If the child uses the phone for more than the pre-decided time, seize the phone with no negotiation and fights. There should be a well-established authority and execution of rules. This involves, making sure that your well-thought-out and rational decisions are executed without abuse or violence and with the least possible harm. And when it comes to screen time, clear rules must be implemented instead of requesting, nagging or shouting in anger.

Fourthly, rational consistent communication.

You made a rule and you are executing it, but the child doesn’t know why. So, it is your job to communicate everything rationally and consistently. You must learn how to make them understand the reasons behind your decisions. The reasons behind cutting down their screen time could be given as for preventing addiction, healthy eyes, avoiding a sedentary lifestyle, engaging with real people, real things, etc. Even if they disagree with the reasons, you need to keep telling them. Consistency matters.

Fifthly, replace screen time with better/real activities.

You take something away from them, you must give them something back. Buy them toys, comics, books, board games which are social/educational in nature. Put them in music or dance classes, exercise with them, put them in a sports academy, have a lot of fun with them, talk to them at least for an hour every day, find ways that they can hang out with their friends, make sure they sleep full hours, etc.

Understand that sticking to these new better activities will also take a lot of rational communication, but ultimately, they will catch on if they find them rewarding, which they will. It’s a matter of time. This period of transition might be tough, but that’s the way to go.

My last suggestion- Don’t ever give up on your child!

All of your child’s problems can be worked through with humor, goodwill, and perseverance. With proper parental support, even the most troublesome teens can become amazing people.

Watch here: How to manage your child’s screen time?

Learn more: Parenting Skills

Pooja Kapoor (A Research Scholar), Counsellor & Hypnotherapist, YOUR Confidant

Your Confidant

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